Since I have avoided any and all goal-setting for many years, I am tentatively *considering* sticking one little toe in the water. And I think I must explain WHY goal-setting is such an anathema to me. In the past, I have seen it as a surefire way to guarantee failure. I think that earlier in my life, I set ridiculously impossible goals, then beat myself up because I failed them so badly. In fact, I can remember times when I decided to get organized, spent time and money setting up a system, then never even used it for a day. It sat there for weeks, mocking me. I have so many failed goals in my past that I simply learned to avoid and despise setting goals.
And that is all about fear. I feared to set any goals because I didn’t accomplish the goals I set. And of course, setting no goals made me unlikely to accomplish things. But even right now I can feel a little tingle of that old fear…just to remember this failing of mine makes me conscious of its cold breath on my neck.
“Goals” is still a word that invites some trepidation in my heart. And honestly, I feel a prickling of vulnerability as I admit this…I’m rather afraid that even speaking of it might lead to backsliding because in my past, Goals equaled Failure. So I’m still not quite ready to jump into “goal-setting.” No more G-Word.
I read back over the words above and I see a lot of angst–something that I really want to step away from. This past year has been a process of slogging through that muck and gradually, carefully, one tiny step at a time, blazing a path OUT of the swamp. And praise be to GOD, I have seen progress! Truly, I have. There are signs that maybe the ground is firming up under my feet. But it still feels a little bit fragile, as if I am still not 100% sure this is possible.
I just read in Lara Casey’s book Cultivate a different wording that is more friendly to me:
- One year from now, I want to know I …
- I want to look back and see more _______ and less ________.
- I want to have chosen ________ over _______.
- I want to have cultivated…
Somehow that is nice. It sets a tone for future fruitfulness without putting so much pressure on today. So my plan for today is to continue the baby steps I have begun. I have come up with a few answers for the questions above, and while they may not be big and important, they also don’t inspire fear. They are small things, things I am doing already. I’m not planning to re-create my life, but simply to build on the foundation that is here. Without fear. Because it is truly God who is doing the building.
I am very grateful for how well 2017 has gone, and I am excited to see how God grows me in 2018. Make me fruitful, Lord!