A New Year Without Fear

Since I have avoided any and all goal-setting for many years, I am tentatively *considering* sticking one little toe in the water. And I think I must explain WHY goal-setting is such an anathema to me. In the past, I have seen it as a surefire way to guarantee failure. I think that earlier in my life, I set ridiculously impossible goals, then beat myself up because I failed them so badly. In fact, I can remember times when I decided to get organized, spent time and money setting up a system, then never even used it for a day. It sat there for weeks, mocking me.  I have so many failed goals in my past that I simply learned to avoid and despise setting goals.

And that is all about fear.  I feared to set any goals because I didn’t accomplish the goals I set.  And of course, setting no goals made me unlikely to accomplish things.  But even right now I can feel a little tingle of that old fear…just to remember this failing of mine makes me conscious of its cold breath on my neck.  “Goals” is still a word that invites some trepidation in my heart.  And honestly, I feel a prickling of vulnerability as I admit this…I’m rather afraid that even speaking of it might lead to backsliding because in my past,  Goals equaled Failure.  So I’m still not quite ready to jump into “goal-setting.”  No more G-Word.

I read back over the words above and I see a lot of angst–something that I really want to step away from.  This past year has been a process of slogging through that muck and gradually, carefully, one tiny step at a time, blazing a path OUT of the swamp.  And praise be to GOD, I have seen progress!  Truly, I have.  There are signs that maybe the ground is firming up under my feet.  But it still feels a little bit fragile, as if I am still not 100% sure this is possible.  
I just read in Lara Casey’s book Cultivate a different wording that is more friendly to me:
  • One year from now, I want to know I …
  • I want to look back and see more _______ and less ________.
  • I want to have chosen ________ over _______.
  • I want to have cultivated…
Somehow that is nice. It sets a tone for future fruitfulness without putting so much pressure on today. So my plan for today is to continue the baby steps I have begun.  I have come up with a few answers for the questions above, and while they may not be big and important,  they also don’t inspire fear.  They are small things, things I am doing already.  I’m not planning to re-create my life, but simply to build on the foundation that is here.  Without fear.  Because it is truly God who is doing the building.

I am very grateful for how well 2017 has gone, and I am excited to see how God grows me in 2018.  Make me fruitful, Lord!

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About dayuntoday

I'm a wonderer. I spend a lot of time mulling, pondering, and cogitating. This is just a place to park some of those thoughts.
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2 Responses to A New Year Without Fear

  1. Sherri Bowman says:

    This. I really, really like. I keep thinking of a thought I heard the other week: Who I will be in 5 years from now (or 10); I am *becoming* that person *today*.
    Thinking about who I will be and who I want to be inspires me to make choices that will take me in that direction. Like the question above…I want to seem more of ___ and less of ____. It’s a gentler way and more realistic, actually, because our Goals are not always God’s goals.
    And how am I missing your blog posts??! I need to sign up for notify 🙂

    • dayuntoday says:

      Oh, I like that thought! Who I will be, I am becoming today. Nice! Every decision is a tiny step. Thanks for sharing it.
      And obviously, you aren’t missing much, since I haven’t written anything in forever! 🙂

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