I just read a thoughtful post HERE that made me think again about my love/hate relationship with blogging. I want to write. I love to write. I write constantly in my head. I tell myself that I want blogging to be no different than the scratchings and scribblings I have made in notebooks and on napkins all my life… but the fact is that it IS different. I know that it is, and it colors every key that I press as I type.
The difference is that I know there is a very real possibility that when I blog, Someone Else will be reading it. And even though I have no idea who those Someone Elses might be, and even though I may not know them at all, I feel some sort of responsibility to cater to them. Why is that? Why do I feel that I must please this faceless person or persons who happen upon my tiny sliver of the Internet? It’s a curious thing, and I don’t understand it. It is one thing to ponder and re-edit for hours simply because I am crystallizing my thoughts to make them more clear, but it is quite another to do it for the purpose of pleasing an unknown audience. Why do I care? It bothers me.
And there is also the issue of What To Write. I’ve been told that a blog should stay focused on one particular theme, and like an obedient automaton, I went through a phase of trying to do that. But why? Who sets the rules? It’s not as if I am trying to build a business or sell a book or run an advice column. I set this up as a place to park my thoughts, and that’s all. I want it to be my rambling stream of consciousness, not a stage on which I perform.
Not sure it can ever be that, but since I miss writing, I’m going to give it a try.