Spiritual Manipulation

 

While listening to Revive Our Hearts this morning, I heard the term “Spiritual Manipulation,” and it really struck a chord.  I have watched several marriages where I think this is a factor, but I had never really had a name for the phenomenon.  Perhaps you’ve seen it, too.  A wife is not controlling in the classic ways, like being bossy or sexually manipulative, but she is just super-spiritual.  I have one friend in particular who comes to mind.  Practically every conversation includes a reference to something God has told her. And when a wife tells her husband what God has been sharing with her in her quiet time…well, who is he to argue against God

The thing is, I think most women in this type of a relationship do not believe that they are manipulating.   It just seems that they are very sensitive and happen to hear God more readily than their husbands, and the husbands may believe that as well.  I’m not so sure.  What do you think?  Is this “spiritual manipulation” that the woman should possibly squelch, or is God just leading their family through the wife rather than the husband?  It’s a pretty common thing these days for the woman to be the spiritual leader in the home.  Is that fine, or is it a problem?  Is it something that may happen occasionally, but just not as a rule?  Let me hear your thoughts.

Another question–   If it is manipulation, do you see situations where men are spiritually manipulative in a marriage, or is this more just a feminine tendency?

 

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About dayuntoday

I'm a wonderer. I spend a lot of time mulling, pondering, and cogitating. This is just a place to park some of those thoughts.
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7 Responses to Spiritual Manipulation

  1. cerwindoris says:

    Spiritual manipulation seems like a oxymoron. If you are manipulating someone is it spiritual – man or woman?

  2. homefire says:

    @cerwindoris – True.  Perhaps I should have written it “spiritual” manipulation?  But what do you think?

  3. cerwindoris says:

    My thought was, does a godly man or woman manipulate. It seems to me that is the work of the Holy Spirit. 🙂

  4. homefire says:

    @cerwindoris – True, of course.  Godly people don’t do this, at least not intentionally.  But do you not think that this phenomenon ever happens with the perpetrator truly thinking they are spiritual and doing God’s will?  Because I am quite sure I’ve seen it happen, yet I honestly think that the woman didn’t realize that she was being manipulative.  At least, I sure hope she didn’t…

  5. cerwindoris says:

    @homefire – Yes, I see it all the time – even tried it myself before I knew better.

  6. BooksForMe says:

    No, no, no!!! God does not lead the family through the wife. ARGH!!! We see it a lot these days, but is it actually working? I don’t think it does. I think women are more prone to manipulation, because of our nature. We are also in the less dominant, weaker position. As the submissive partner, we might think it is the way to have power in the relationship, instead of recognizing our power comes from God as we obey Him in service to our husbands. Boy, do I sound like a woman I would have tuned out 25 years ago! Hahaha!!! But, it’s true. We don’t have to manipulate. We can PRAY and let the Holy Spirit do the work. Manipulating is awful and I can’t stand to see it. It’s so dishonest. It builds distrust in a relationship. I really dislike it a lot. I think men tend to abuse their power. They don’t need to stoop to manipulating.

  7. the_grat says:

    well, the female almost ‘has’ to take the manipulative role… because the male can assume the downright ‘bossy’ one.  ‘submit, remember?’  but the struggle will ever be one for control

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