After my recent rant, I enjoyed reading this article in a recent newsletter. It’s entitled Stop Playing the Blame Game. This is something I have to fight against–I suspect everyone does. It is always just so much easier to think of why it was someone else’s fault rather than my own. And it’s even easier to forget that even if it was another person’s fault, sometimes nothing is gained by mentioning it!
Some women do this to their husbands all the time. I heard a woman recently explain that “she just liked to leave such things up to her husband, and he hadn’t done it.” Ooookay. Well, to me that sounded like not only a cop-out, but a vicious little jab at her husband. It was an assignment for Bible study that we were discussing–not fixing the car! She was perfectly capable of doing the work (her husband wasn’t present because he was working) but she wanted to make it obvious how disappointed she was with him for not being a better spiritual leader.
Really now, is that the kind of behavior that inspires him to change? Will he respond to her disappointment and blame by becoming more enthused about Biblical things? Somehow I doubt it.
Beyond that, blaming other people always makes the Blamer look weak. Whenever they throw the responsibility off onto someone else, it becomes obvious that the Blamer is too wimpy to bear that responsibility. Not to say that we should accept blame for everything ourselves, but it is definitely a fact that many times it really doesn’t matter at all whose fault it is!
And faultfinding, without a doubt, is a very effective way to drive a wedge into a relationship. When someone is blamed for everything that goes wrong, they cease to trust and they eventually get discouraged and quit trying to please.
I have to watch it especially with my children. It’s so easy to immediately see that their lack of experience or carelessness has created a problem. What I need to remember is that their lack of experience actually shows that I have not been diligent in training them. How can I blame a child who has never done the job before, when I, who should have taught them, have not done my job?
But what I really need is to just simply overcome this tendency to blame. Blaming myself rather than others can be tiresome, too. No one wants to listen to someone berate themselves over a mistake. The key is to realize that blaming is irrelevant! Most of the time, it is far more productive to simply go on, work with what you have, and forget it!