So how do you tell a woman that she is doing everything exactly right to totally destroy her marriage? She recently dragged her husband off for counseling because obviously it’s all his fault, and she wants someone to tell him so. I am just about to come unglued. She is such a hard, unforgiving person, and she constantly belittles him. She says she’s “about ready to kick him out,” and my only question is why he didn’t leave long ago, with all that she puts him through. Obviously, it’s not all her fault either, but from what I can see, he is mostly whimpering in the corner while she is actively working to wreck their marriage. Yes, I know that I don’t see it all, and I know that he has a lot of baggage he’s dealing with, but I can recognize what I do see, and it’s obvious that she is not even trying to respect him.
Can I just get in her face and tell her that even if she does want to end her days broken and bitter and alone, that she should try to mend the relationship for the sake of her daughters? She talks frequently about training her daughters, and I want to tell her that the biggest thing she is teaching them is how to browbeat a man and have a miserable marriage. She has taught them disdain, disrespect, and disgust, and they will be more likely than not to end up just like her, since it’s what they’ve seen modeled all their lives. But I guess she thinks that it’s not her fault and she is showing them how to be strong in the face of suffering and injustice.
This woman is quick to admit that she is just a baby Christian, but what she doesn’t see is that the reason she has been in church for all these years without growing is because of the bitterness and unforgiveness in her heart, and because of her gargantuan pride.
Oh, I am so unhappy to watch it, and I have tried to gently give counsel a few times, but she cannot –or will not–hear. Lord, please, help these people. I think they truly want to love you and love each other, but they are so mired in the baggage of their past that they have simply given up. If there is any way that I can be your hands and your mouth, show me.
Maybe the counseling will help this time, even though they have been through so many other sessions with no change. Maybe, just maybe.
Okay, yes, I am being judgmental. Yes, I am on the outside looking in. Yes, I have a long way to go in my own life. yes, yes, yes.
But it hurts to see someone throw their marriage away.
I wrote this a couple of weeks ago, but didn’t make it public. Now my frustration has worn off a bit, but I am still praying for this marriage. Want to join me?