So how do you tell a woman that she is doing everything exactly right to totally destroy her marriage?  She recently dragged her husband off for counseling because obviously it’s all his fault, and she wants someone to tell him so.  I am just about to come unglued.  She is such a hard, unforgiving person, and she constantly belittles him.  She says she’s “about ready to kick him out,” and my only question is why he didn’t leave long ago, with all that she puts him through.  Obviously, it’s not all her fault either, but from what I can see, he is mostly whimpering in the corner while she is actively working to wreck their marriage.  Yes, I know that I don’t see it all, and I know that he has a lot of baggage he’s dealing with, but I can recognize what I do see, and it’s obvious that she is not even trying to respect him.

Can I just get in her face and tell her that even if she does want to end her days broken and bitter and alone, that she should try to mend the relationship for the sake of her daughters?  She talks frequently about training her daughters, and I want to tell her that the biggest thing she is teaching them is how to browbeat a man and have a miserable marriage.  She has taught them disdain, disrespect, and disgust, and they will be more likely than not to end up just like her, since it’s what they’ve seen modeled all their lives.  But I guess she thinks that it’s not her fault and she is showing them how to be strong in the face of suffering and injustice.

This woman is quick to admit that she is just a baby Christian, but what she doesn’t see is that the reason she has been in church for all these years without growing is because of the bitterness and unforgiveness in her heart, and because of her gargantuan pride.

Oh, I am so unhappy to watch it, and I have tried to gently give counsel a few times, but she cannot –or will not–hear.  Lord, please, help these people.  I think they truly want to love you and love each other, but they are so mired in the baggage of their past that they have simply given up.  If there is any way that I can be your hands and your mouth, show me.

Maybe the counseling will help this time, even though they have been through so many other sessions with no change.  Maybe, just maybe. 


Okay, yes, I am being judgmental.  Yes, I am on the outside looking in.  Yes, I have a long way to go in my own life.  yes, yes, yes. 

But it hurts to see someone throw their marriage away.


I wrote this a couple of weeks ago, but didn’t make it public.  Now my frustration has worn off a bit, but I am still praying for this marriage.  Want to join me?




About dayuntoday

I'm a wonderer. I spend a lot of time mulling, pondering, and cogitating. This is just a place to park some of those thoughts.
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10 Responses to Rant

  1. TNLNSL_PRN says:

    I’ll be praying for you and this lady.  But i think the best thing you can do is pray.

  2. yeah, I think outside prayer can be a big asset for people who are struggling in their marriage.. it is sad, watchin’ a marriage between 2 people u care about, come apart.. as an outside observer, sometimes praying is the best, and only thing you can do,that’s life y’know..   ps, i like the new backdrop & blue colors

  3. BooksForMe says:

    I don’t think you are being judgmental.  I think you are recognizing how to pray, and I wouldn’t be surprised if the Lord used you to speak to her one day.  God’s given you a burden for her, for this family.  That’s a good thing.

  4. Alle_in_Ashe says:

    It is difficult watching someone make a mistake.  It’s even harder to just stand back and watch it. It’s worse to try and point out their wrongdoing. Someone all caught up in something like that won’t be able to see anything clearly, especially their own place in what’s going on. I know because i’ve been that person.Pray, pray, pray. God has his hands in this somehow.

  5. I agree with the others, the only thing you can do is pray for her heart to be changed. I was there once too, and agree with Alle in Ashe that she is too deep in her own misery to hear you. She has to get really sick and tired of being sick and tired. I use to pray for help but didn’t know what to do and hopefully she is too in the quiet times at night or when she is alone. When she finally comes down on her face before God with brokeness it will be a beautiful thing for her and her family. I know this, I was there. It may come through her children like it did me. Its never too late. It took my Lord years to break me, and it might take years for her or maybe never. She has to come to that part herself. She has to want it.

  6. mamaglop says:

    I’m not sure praying is the only thing to do, although I did pray.  I think if I were making a mistake that was making everybody including me miserable,  and somebody else saw it, I would want to know what it is.  There was a show on Focus on the Family about how much men want respect, and women want love, and women give men love because they want love, and men feel unrespected and withdraw, then women withdraw…  I wish I could give you more info about it.  You might be able to find it in the archives, and give it to this woman.She might not be receptive, but I think I’d appreciate being told.

  7. homefire says:

    @mamaglop – That sounds like the Eggerich seminar–Love and Respect.  We went to it a couple years ago and thought it was tremendous.  We recommended it to this couple, and they actually went, but I don’t think it hit home with them, because things haven’t really improved.    It’s hard to know how to penetrate walls that are this high and this thick, and to break down habits that are so deeply established.  If you’re interested in L&R, look at their site. http://www.loveandrespect.com/ It is a SUPER program.  The guy is very, very funny, and yet at the same time he is opening up amazing truths.  We kept looking at each other and saying, “Is that really how you think?”  We learned so much, and even though we’ve always had a great marriage, it was still really a boost.

  8. ShineOn1983 says:

    Yeeeiiikes! It do not sound good. Prayer changes things.

  9. mamaglop says:

    @homefire – Thanks.  I might want to do this for my church.

  10. homefire says:

    @mamaglop – I’m sure you would find it worthwhile!  Go for it!

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