Marriage Crash And Pride


One of my little gifts this week was intercepting a glance and slight smile between a married couple that obviously was communicating a special secret, something the rest of us couldn’t share.  Those moments are lovely to see, since it speaks of a relationship that doesn’t always need words, that speaks spirit to spirit.

But as I remember that, it occurs to me that there are quite a few couples who I never see sharing moments like those.  Sure, maybe I just don’t see them…but there are certainly couples who simply don’t have them, because their relationship is on the rocks.  In fact, right now it almost seems as if marriages are crashing and burning all around me.  There are at least two couples close to us who are having serious problems, a few who are weathering some rough seas, plus several others who seem to just coexist, so my heart is burdened for marriages right now.  It’s hard to watch a marriage crumbling, to watch one or both people throw away something that they once thought to be indescribably precious. 

One of the hardest ones for me to watch is a wife’s belittlement of her husband.  Especially when you see their teenage daughters showing the same contempt for their dad that they see their mom using.  It hurts to see those girls not only being disrespectful, but also learning horribly unhealthy ways to relate to men.  These girls hardly have a chance at a happy marriage without some sort of intervention…do they? 

And in every case of a marriage in trouble, the root problem is pride.  Any problem can be overcome if the person who did wrong is willing to admit their mistake.  And if the other is unwilling to forgive, then they are guilty of pride as well.  If we are honest with ourselves, we know that we are just as guilty of sin as anyone, and if we refuse to forgive, we are saying that our own sins are not as bad as the other person’s.  That is incredibly prideful and so wrong.

Revelations 21:8 But the fearful, and unbelieving, and the abominable, and murderers, and whoremongers, and sorcerers, and idolaters, and all liars, shall have their part in the lake which burneth with fire and brimstone: which is the second death.

The fearful and unbelieving and all liars are lumped right in there with the murderers and idol worshippers, and they are all equally condemned.  ALL liars!  Have you ever said something that wasn’t strictly true?  Of course!  That would almost certainly include every. single. person. alive!  Have you ever been afraid?  Of course, who hasn’t?  And God calls that a sin!  Do you ever doubt?  I know I have.  For sure, every person has sinned in some way, according to Romans 3:23.  ANY sin, even the one that we think is teeny-tiny, is punishable by eternal death.  And when we are so enveloped in the filth of our own sins, how can we possibly refuse to forgive someone else?  Every time we pray the Lord’s Prayer, we are praying that God will forgive us exactly the same we forgive others.  So if you’re praying that, but not forgiving someone, you are simply heaping God’s wrath on your own head.

Sorry, I may have wandered a bit, but it’s something that’s eating away at me right now.  I’ve been specifically praying for several marriages today, and I keep thinking about it.



About dayuntoday

I'm a wonderer. I spend a lot of time mulling, pondering, and cogitating. This is just a place to park some of those thoughts.
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12 Responses to Marriage Crash And Pride

  1. mcbery says:

    I think our pride can keep us from many happy moments.

  2. Gail2 says:

    Very good topic! I agree with the above comment that mcbery mentioned, I also would have to say, many couples are so busy that people really need to make Much More Time with each other. Many lives are overshadowed with things, work, children, computers, and there is not much time with each other. I enjoyed your post great topic with the scriptures to add!

  3. proudmom87 says:

    Very good post. Thank you!

  4. I could wish I had known this about marriage when I entered into it at age 18, and then, when I divorced my children’s father and married again at 25.  I am thankful for the kind of marriage now that was blessed by God to begin with and provides ample opportunity for those special smiles across the room.  I pray now for my children’s marriages.  That forgiveness and sacrifice of pride would continue to be practiced regularly.

  5. Mandy says:

    Here here on that one Mom.~Mandy

  6. homefire says:

    @Mandy – Where?  Where? 

  7. homefire says:

    @Gail2 – Good point!  I think that all family relationships are being heavily challenged by busy-ness and technology.  Just as an example, I was discussing some school problems and attitudes with my son a few minutes ago, only to realize that he was flipping out his phone and responding to a text.  I mean.. who has time to listen to boring lectures?  There are friends to chat with!  GRRRR.@bronze_for_gold – @proudmom87 – @mcbery – Thanks for your comments.  Btw, I highly recommend Love and Respect seminars by the Eggerichs.  They are very funny, and so very enlightening.  I wish every young couple could go to one right after the honeymoon!  We went to it after having been happily married for over 20 years, and still learned a whole lot!

  8. Pensamientos says:

    There is a book that a friend of mine had about marriage, I am not sure of the name, but I think it is “Just for Women”, but I am not entirely sure..i will find out..the book was marriage advice just for women from a Christian perspective and it was a very enlightening read for me even though I am not married or even currently in a relationship.  It made a point about women need to show their respect for their husbands because this is what makes them feel loved and appreciated (I know, over-generalization, but generally praising a man’s abilities or something he has done nice goes much further in making him feel loved and appreciated than just simply telling him you love him)  It had some very solid advice about stuff like this and was a very good read.I think that a lot of people have problems in relationships (I know I certainly did,) because they do not understand that you relate to men and women differently, also I think a big factor is expecting your significant other or spouse to be everything for you.  One person cannot be everything for another, it is not fair or possible. One person will not meet all of your needs (financial, emotional, physical, etc.) this is why having good friends is so important.  If you expect your spouse to meet all of your emotional needs on top of everything else he/she has to do in a day, then you are going to be disappointed.  There will be things that they do not have time for or simply miss…I think we go into relationships with rose colored glasses expecting everything to be easy because we love the other person and forget that sometimes love means that you have to make an effort also. I am not sure that it is being busy and technology that interferes so much as a lack of respect and priorities.  You can be busy and still make time for each other, and technology is simply a tool.  If it is used efficiently, it can free up more time to spend together or it can make it more difficult, it all depends on how you use it.

  9. Hutch5 says:

    wow. such good thoughts… things we all need to be reminded of. the enemy is constantly working to chip away at the foundation of our marriages.. and he does it in such subtle ways. pride is often one of those things we don’t easily identify.. atleast in our OWN lives! :)I often think of that verse, “Only by pride comes contention….” but knowing what’s right and doing it aren’t the same things… 🙂 I like that verse when I think it applies to someone else humbling themselves – but not me!! ha~ but truly, as you said, such a major key to a successful marriage. you gave me alot to chew on – convicting too. thanks for sharing!!

  10. homefire says:

    @Pensamientos@revelife – some great thoughts there!  Would the book be For Women Only?  Can’t remember the author, but I’ve heard that one is excellent.  There’s also one for men and a Young Men and Young Women version.My thought on technology was that we don’t use it simply as a tool.  Many people (especially kids) spend more time with their phones, computers, mp3 players, etc, than they do people.  And the less time we spend relating to actual people, the less proficient we are at it!  I’ve seen many kids who will spend an evening messing with their phones rather than talking to the people around them.@Hutch5 – Good verse!  So pride IS the root of all squabbles!    And it’s SO hard to see it in ourselves.  I know that I have had to remind myself that just because I don’t have that particular weakness, that doesn’t make me somehow holier.  We all have our failings, and just because someone else’s might be more visible doesn’t mean our hidden weaknesses are any better–in fact, often they are worse!

  11. Mandy says:

    @homefire – There!!!! There!!!!

  12. Hmmm. Still mulling on the root problem ALWAYS being pride. Are selfishness and self-focus forms of pride?

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