When a Woman Disses Her Man

 

Have you ever been in one of these situations?  You’re having dinner or just sitting and talking with another couple, and she makes a comment that belittles him.  You watch him wilt, and you really wish you were somewhere else.

It is so hard to watch.  We have the arguable blessing of being friends with two or three couples who do this on a regular basis.  Interestingly enough, we don’t have any close friends where it happens the other way.  It’s always the woman being disrespectful to the man.

How do you deal with this?  When she shushes him so that she can hear the movie, but hits the pause button when someone else talks?  When she reminds him of some failure in his past, and proceeds to go into detail?  When she rolls her eyes at something he says, or corrects him like a child?  When she elaborates about how hopeless he is at fixing things around the house?

Why does a woman do this?  I’ve come to the conclusion that often it becomes a habit and she truly isn’t aware how her words are hurting him.  There are also times when she pretends to be joking, but it’s painfully, awkwardly obvious to everyone but her that it’s no joke to her poor husband.

There is also the issue that it makes the other people present extremely uncomfortable.  Who wants to watch a man get raked over the coals by this person who has vowed to love and honor him?

 

 

 

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About dayuntoday

I'm a wonderer. I spend a lot of time mulling, pondering, and cogitating. This is just a place to park some of those thoughts.
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21 Responses to When a Woman Disses Her Man

  1. BooksForMe says:

    That is truly one of life’s more uncomfortable situations.  I think I’d probably pray for the Lord to open up an opportunity to speak the woman privately about it.  She is really undermining her marriage and family.  It’s such destructive, dangerous behavior.

  2. First, pray about it to be sure your desire to correct is in right place.  Then try to find opportunity to speak with that sister privately.  Even one page note or five minute of whispering.  When I first read your post, I immediately thought of one couple here.  That’s why they’re not too welcome here since I couldn’t correct them particularly when little ones are around (not wanting my children to pick up same habit).  And then I wondered if we know some of same couples you mentioned.  Ouch, yes it could be so ingrained that she wasn’t aware of what she’s REALLY saying and how it sounded to others.  On few, almost rare, I caught myself dissing my dearest to other people.  I was immediately ashamed.  I must always be on my guard not to tear him down in public and work on being more longsuffering and understanding at home.

  3. fwren says:

    I’m sure we all need to guard against this ~ many years together sometimes relaxes us a bit much and we cease to be as careful as we once were in thinking before we speak.  Dear God, guard my lips ~

  4. Give her a copy of Created to Be His Helpmeet by Debi Pearl.  

  5. I have that problem with my husband, but I don’t do it in front of other people. I do it for his eyes only, which isn’t any better …I think I need to look up that book that was referred by TeacherPerson.

  6. homefire says:

    @TeacherPerson – Well, one of the ladies I’m thinking of has read it–has it on her shelf.  (shrug)  Evidently it didn’t take.  @apennieformythoughts – Yes, it’s good.  I didn’t agree with absolutely everything in it, but on the whole, it hits the nail on the head.  I’d recommend it.  It’s been life-changing for quite a few women, it seems.@fwren – That’s probably true, but really the heart is what matters.  If your husband knows that your honor and respect him, he won’t be easily offended, and the years won’t change that.  The problem in these cases is that the woman really doesn’t respect him deep down@BooksForMe – @OverACupOfTea – Good advice, and I have been praying that God will bring an opportunity to talk about it when no one else is around.  One of these ladies, at least, is somewhat open to it, I think.  Another one, I wouldn’t dare!

  7. woman (people) disrespect themselves when they do that. It also flows on the lowest level of conversation (people, events, concepts)  which reflects on their own level of intellect .It doesnt make me uncomfortable, it just makes we want to not spend any further time with them.

  8. ken3111960 says:

    I have 2 sister-in-laws that do that on a regular basis. My youngest brother and his wife dont have any children, but the other one has 4 and I see that even the some children seem to think that it is OK for them to do it. I wish I knew how to help them see how destructive this really is.

  9. homefire says:

    @ken3111960 – Yes, it’s really sad to see children following suit, but it’s almost inevitable.

  10. ken3111960 says:

    @homefire – Ever since my wife left 15 years ago, it really bothers me to hear spouse put the other down. Cherish each other, life alone is not fun! My wife (ex) died in 2007, I still loved her and we did have time before she died to talk and forgive each other. That was a blessing.

  11. mom1945 says:

    I’ve also seen men do it to their wives which is equally uncomfortable for all who are in the room. Either way it’s wrong. This might be a Matthew 18 situation for the observer. One of the best ways to encourage your spouse is to praise him/her in front of others amd point out their strengths. We should accent the qualities we want to see grow in our spouse. A good post and a good reminder to all of us to be careful with our words.

  12. Anonymous says:

    If I were doing something like this to my husband, in front of others, there is no way that I would NOT want someone to say something to me.  It may hurt my feelings at first, but after giving it some thought, I would see their point!  Thank you for posting this!!!  We all need to see this message!!

  13. RichDeaton says:

    Such a hard thing to watch!  I think the root problem here is that we as women can inwardly see ourselves as better than our husbands–we don’t have a good understanding that they’re not wrong, just different.  I’d see if you can pull these couples into Emerson Eggrich’s Love & Respect teaching–preferably the conference over the book, although both are good.–Linda

  14. homefire says:

    @RichDeaton – sigh.  One of them has been there…. 

  15. homefire says:

    @CH1216a – That is encouraging.  I do hope God will provide the time and words for me to provide that.

  16. deyoderized says:

    I must confess I have both done it to my hubby and have had it done to me.  The correcting part has been my biggest struggle, and the dissing part is what I’m more often on the receiving end of.  Thanks for reminding me of how unpleasant it makes it for others.  Seriously.  (And I have had a friend and sister tell me, for which I was thankful)

  17. I’ve been mulling this over and had to wonder if it has something to do with a woman’s innate desire to control.  And…we are so blind to our own faults.

  18. mamaglop says:

    If you can stand losing them as friends, I think something this serious should be addressed not confrontively but bluntly.  Tell them what they are doing, what you are seeing and give examples.  Obviously less direct measures are not working.  I tell every new couple my favorite verse for weddings, which is “The wise woman builds her house, the foolish with her own hands tears it down.” from Proverbs.

  19. I believe one of my biggest “teaching” moments was when a dear friend of mine talked to me privately about an incident that happened in front of them ( I was the bad guy) that was very embarrassing for them. Choose your time wisely and with uttermost love and you might be surprised. At that moment may not be the right time………maybe later. I always appreciated her discretion even though it was very painful. What chastisement isn’t?

  20. homefire says:

    @stampingranny – Thanks for saying that.  I have prayed about whether it’s my place to say anything, and I appreciate hearing your experieince!  We just went through a day with repeated instances of this, and it was SO uncomfortable!

  21. When she shared her heart with me I “woke up” to what it really does to those around me. In the “heat of the moment” I was so angry I felt like it was my right and they would understand when in reality it makes people very uncomfortable and wishin they weren’t there to see it. I don’t think we see what others see untill were made to see through theyre eyes and only then, through great humility can we change. Just my own painful but thankful experience.

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